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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27499627">I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die..</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spottedlilly/pseuds/Spottedlilly'>Spottedlilly</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Kuroshitsuji | Black Butler</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Ambiguous/Open Ending, Dark, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Multi, Not Shippy, Poor Alois, Poor Ciel Phantomhive, Suicidal Thoughts, The demons are not demons, Why Did I Write This?, could be seen as gen, not as bad as the tags imply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-08 02:35:52</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>557</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27499627</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spottedlilly/pseuds/Spottedlilly</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"We're so high up....I wonder what it would feel like to fall.... would it hurt?.... would I die?" Alois mumbles, his hands trembling as he grips the railing tighter.</p><p>He feels a hand on his.</p><p>"It would be a pity if you found out..."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ciel Phantomhive/Alois Trancy, Original Character(s)/ Original Character(s)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>I don't wanna live, but I'm too scared to die..</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is my first black butler fanfiction, so sorry if it's a bit ooc!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alois felt sick to his stomach....</p><p>He wondered how someone so atrocious and despicable could be aloud to live. The way Lord... whatever-his-name-was touched his so called "wife" (Alois had a suspicioun thing were a bit more complicated..) was downright disturbing....so were the partially viable bruises on her wrists..</p><p>Seeing them brought up bad memories, so he tried his best to avoid the "couple" and sat in a corner near...that one gossipy lady<strike> (Madame red) </strike> and her annoyingly dramatic friend <strike>(Grell)</strike>. He did his best to tune out their....strange....conversation. Either they didn't notice him, or didn't mind his presence. </p><p>Of course he couldn't hide in a corner forever, and eventually dinner rolled around. He tried his best to avoid going, but in the end Claude practically dragged him to the table, saying it would be rude if he didn't. Alois was not very happy about this...he wasn't happy about being at the party altogether, he spent most of the meal picking at his food and contomplating murder.</p><p>Once he was free to leave, Alois rushed out of the dinning room as dignifyingly as he could, and wandered aimlessly around until he found a door that lead to a random balcony, he quickly steps outside, hoping no one sees him.</p><p>He walks over to the very edge and stares down...oh how tempting it is...</p><p>Before he knows what he's doing, he finds himself climbing on top of the railing, his instinctively grip the railing, he starts to tremble as he sits there... staring down at the ground beneath him.</p><p>"...I didn't expect for anyone else to be out here... especially not you, Lord Trancy"</p><p>Alois is so startled he nearly falls,he hadn't even heard the door open. His grip tightens as he turns around...he doesn't need to though, he would recognize that voice anywhere.</p><p>"Lord Phantomhive... you startled me" Alois mumbles.</p><p>"My apologies" Ciel replies, they stand/sit there in silence for awhile, "Lord Nicolas's estate is truly beautiful..." Ciel says after awhile.</p><p>Alois hums in agreement, "To bad it's owed by such a rotten person"</p><p>"So you noticed as well...you have a good eye...or maybe it's as they say...'it takes one to know one'" Ciel says smugly, Alois's grip tightens further and he grits his teeth.</p><p>"I could say the same for you...I wonder why no one else has brought it up"</p><p>"Didn't notice... didn't care... afraid to mention anything, I'm sure there's a multitude of reasons why, most people are happy to go on living there lives.. leaving the helpless to suffer...humans truly are selfish and despicable creatures.."</p><p>Alois once again hums in agreement, silence falls...but this time it's Alois who breaks it</p><p>"We're so high up....I wonder what it would feel like to fall.... would it hurt?.... would I die?" Alois mumbles, his hands tremble as he grips the railing tighter.</p><p>He feels a hand on his.</p><p>"It would be a pity if you found out..."</p><p>Alois startles again, he hadn't even heard Ciel walk over to him, "And why is that?"</p><p>"You've been helpful on one of two cases..." Ciel says, "and someone 'falling' would ruin the evening"</p><p>"One or two?!" Alois snaps, Ciel just shrugs.</p><p>"Would you do it?" </p><p>"Do what?"</p><p>"Jump"</p><p>
  <strong>"maybe... Would you?"</strong>
</p><p>
  <strike>
    <strong>"If you did..."</strong>
  </strike>
</p>
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